Giving Up and Giving In

The blocks for my current improvisational quilt is done. Sewing the blocks was easy, but it has been the attempt in putting the blocks together that has caused great distress in my life.

For the past three days I have been working on different configurations for this quilt. I had what I thought was a logical layout for the quilt, but it just didn't feel right once laid out that way.

I tried other possible patterns and configurations. Some resulted in me having leftover blocks, while others resulted in big gaps in the quilt that would require me to make even more blocks.

The frustration finally got to me. I picked up all the blocks into a pile and sat them in a corner of the house like some child being punished.

Every time I tried to come up with a solution, the blocks would not a agree. Finally, I gave up. I stopped trying to make the blocks bend to my will. I gave in to letting the blocks do what they wanted to do.

I took the pile of blocks and started laying them together without and thought or plan. All I focused on was putting the next piece down. Before I knew it, I had put the last piece down. The blocks fit perfectly in a beautiful random order that surprised me.

Now I am sewing my blocks together, thinking how I didn't realize the amount of control I tried to have over this quilt until I learned to let it go. It was in the simple acts of giving up and giving in that opened up a new creative possibility that I did not see before.

I once heard someone in reference to Navajo weaving say, 'let the fibers speak and they will tell you what they want to be.' I think the same thing can apply to quilting as well. Allowing the fabric to speak and direct us in our creative process.

The Sixteen Year Quilt

When I was eleven years old I took an interest in quilting. I didn't really know anything about quilts, which was a good thing. In the small Chicago neighborhood that I lived in, the only quilts I saw were patchwork quilts that people made from old clothes. It was a way to using up what you had. So, when I starting making a quilt, I did it the same way. As my mom cut up old clothes to use as cleaning rags and to stuff cushions, she would let me cut off pieces for my quilt.

Here you can see the center of my quilt. Using my mom's broken Singer, I would hand turn the wheel to make the needle go up and down. This is how I sewed each piece together. It was a slow process, but I enjoyed every minute of it. I still remember where each piece of fabric came from.

The center of the quilt made back when I was 11 years old.

We eventually moved to Arizona and over time lived in various apartments. All the while I held on to that small quilt.

As a girl scout my troop leader showed me how to make yo-yo's. I must have made dozens of those. And I saved the scraps that were left from the countless circles I had to cut out.

When I started college I took a beginner's sewing class. I kept the scraps from my first blouse that I made. That is the fabric you see that makes the boarder around the center square.

I decided in college that I wanted to study theater. Even before I became interested in costume design, I would sneak into the costume shop and dig through the trash saving pieces of fabric from every show. When I become head of the costume shop, I continued to save fabric pieces.

 All these pieces were added onto the quilt. Over the course of sixteen years, this quilt grew.

Our dog, Gypsy Rose, refused to move while I was taking pictures

Now looking at this quilt, I am fascinated by how it looks and the way it has come together. This quilt is a time capsule of my life. I look at the vast array of fabrics and remember each story or event behind them.

I love this quilt because it was never planned. I just added pieces as life brought them to me. There was no sort of real project or goal, just an inner need to use up pieces instead of seeing them go to waste.

I plan to finish this quilt now. After my mother's passing I inherited some of her old dresses. I will use the fabric from them to make one final boarder and a backing. I think this will make a touching finish for this quilt.