I am Jealous of You

(photo credit: www.siasat.pk)

Cheryl Sleboda of Muppin.com wrote an article last month on her blog about quilting jealousy. I know I have been the green-eyes monster on many occasions. I can publicly pretend all I want that the work of others doesn't effect me. I could sit on my high horse and blab on about how self-righteously above jealously I am. But the truth is, I am human, so it goes without saying that I will (and should) experience normal human emotions. Jealously is a normal human emotion.

Those show-stopping quilts and acceptance letters into quilt shows. Teaching gigs, book deals and conventions. Fabric companies sending free bundles of fabric and patterns being published in major quilt magazines. Social media is filled with quilters toting their accomplishments. And as proud as I am for their individual success, I wish so desperately that their success was mine.

We all find ourselves at times envious of what others have or what others have created for themselves. That is emotion is completely natural. It is what we do with that feeling that is the real concern.

I have seen people throw in the towel and give up because they saw someone excel at something and just didn't think they could ever come close to making something that good. They give up on their dreams because they don't think they are smart enough or as talent enough as the person/people they admire. Or they think they have to win the lottery to ever have that lifestyle they see others have.

I was this way when I first started quilting. In my own little bubble I would quilt in the privacy of my little bedroom. I sewed what I saw in my mind made quilts the way I wanted to make them. I made things that pleased me. I was happy and content. But then I ventured out of my happy bubble to meet other quilters and see the works of others. It was during a quilt, sewing and craft show in Phoenix, Arizona that my happy bubble popped. I saw quilts that looked nothing like mine. But instead of being inspired, I was disappointed. My construction was different, my fabrics were not 100% cotton and my designs were nothing like what was being made. Frankly my work looked like a pile of preschool shit next to the quilts I was seeing. Even when I tried to describe and show my quilts to others I just got my work ripped apart. I was told my quilts weren't even quilts. They were more like empty duvet covers or a bunch of stitched up rags.

So I did what I thought at the time was the best course of action. I put away all my quilts and went on with my life.  It would be ten years before I found my way back to quilting again.

It took life changing events for me to gain the greatest insight in my life. I learned that I had wasted so much of my time being jealous over the work of others and comparing myself to them. Two quotes have rang true in helping me to get back on the path I'm suppose to be on and not get distracted by envy and comparison-

Mother Teresa:
"It was never between you and them. It was always between you and God." (paraphrased)

Montgomery Gentry:
"You do your thing, I'll do mine."

Do I still get jealous when other quilters get awards and opportunities that I don't have? Yes. Am I envious at times of the quilts and quilting achievements of others? Yup. But now I don't let it stop me. I pause, acknowledge the emotion and then I remember that I am not in competition with these quilters. My work is in service to God. As long as God is happy with what I am doing, I'm happy.